Several years ago, my daughter decided she wanted to try martial arts. No one in my family had ever tried it before and I was unfamiliar with most everything about it. I signed her up for classes and began taking her. There were benches along the walls where the parents could sit, so I would stay for each class and watch. There were plenty of other moms who would stay as well, but I soon noticed that while they were chatting, or on their phones, I was soaking up all that I saw in my daughter’s class. I was excited to come home afterward and help her practice whatever she had learned that day. I began to look forward to taking her and loved listening in on what I heard during her classes.
One day after her class I was walking through the lobby where I saw a hat for sale. The hat was black with the words, “Karate Mom” embroidered in white across the front. I remember this moment so clearly because it suddenly struck me that I didn’t want to just be the mom supporting my kid from the sidelines, I wanted to be the one doing it! But could I? It sounded ridiculous. This wasn’t the kind of thing the other moms were doing. They all seemed content to just sit and watch. All the moms I knew put their kids in music lessons or sports, but none of them signed up for themselves!
I was so nervous to tell my husband that I wanted to do martial arts too. I wasn’t nervous because I thought he’d laugh or be mad, but it was expensive for us at the time and I felt like I was being selfish by taking that money for myself instead of using it on my kids. I had no problem spending that money on my daughter, so why did I feel guilty for using it for my own talent development and joy?
Thankfully, my husband was super supportive and encouraged me to go for it anyway. As I moved through the program there were many times when I became injured and needed extra help from my kids, or times when I was preparing for an important belt test and needed them to step up and help around the house more. They spent time helping me practice and several nights watching me at competitions or belt tests. And when I finally tested for my black belt, my girls were in the stands with a giant sign and pom-poms, shouting, “Go Mom!! You can do it! We love you!!”
Honestly, it was one of the only things that kept me going when I doubted my ability to continue. And as I saw them cheering for me, hour after grueling hour of that black belt test, I realized something very important. While this whole journey had been a powerful experience for me, I suddenly realized that it had been an important experience for my girls as well.
My girls had learned how to support others, and that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They learned that challenges can be overcome, that family members sacrifice for one another, that moms are people with dreams and talents too, and that those talents are to be developed and used. They also learned that they can accomplish anything they set their mind to, and that it’s never too late to try something new. Taking the time to follow my dreams had not taken anything away from my children! It had actually given them so much more than I could have foreseen.
We often think that taking the time to develop our own talents is selfish because it is taking away something from our kids. We see the money as experiences or classes we could have given our kids instead. We see any time spent on ourselves as time we should be spending with our kids. But we need to let go of the guilt and remember that when we make the effort to reach our full potential, to develop our talents and follow our dreams we are actually inspiring and empowering our kids to do the same.
Motherhood is full of sacrifice, yes. But God doesn’t ask us to give up our own talents and goals when we have kids. In fact, I feel it is quite the opposite! So, if you are always the one on the sidelines in the karate mom hat, ask yourself, what is it I want to do? What are some talents I want to develop? You know, the kind of things that you think to yourself, “I’ll do that when my kids are grown.” Maybe it’s martial arts, or maybe it’s writing a novel or taking voice lessons or starting that Etsy shop. Maybe it’s cooking classes, or becoming a life coach, or learning calligraphy. Whatever it is, find a way to move forward with it now. You probably won’t be able to do everything at once, or even as much as you would like at different life stages. It may not be easy and you may need to get creative about how you can fit it in. But however, hard it is; however long it takes I promise you it will be a blessing–not only for you, but for your kids as well.
